Perhaps I need Dr. Phil, a fellow Texan, to bring his bald-headed self to kick me into gear. I might need a wordsmith intervention. Maybe it's because Texas feels like the Sahara, at a mild 109 degrees (not including the heat index), or, let's not mince words, Hell. I am living in Hell.
Or ... maybe it's because I went to the dentist today and might have to get a root canal. Perhaps it's because my sweet, precious boy turned 2 this weekend. On the day of, our (damn) dog (who we rescued from the Glue Factory, or locally known as Operation Kindness) ate his birthday cake. The one I made. From scratch. Never had done that before. Never will again. Maybe it's because I have a really crappy attitude (at least I am not in denial). Fact is, haven't felt like getting my blog on.
So, friend and countrymen, lend me your ... ideas. Got anything on the mind that you want to discuss? Leave out that closed-on-Sundays-fried chicken place (will not name simply because sick of hearing the debate) and the 2012 Olympics (simply because they are as old to me as Tom Cruise and his lame religion). With that, I will give some future topics I am willing to discuss. You, in turn, share yours. Here's my top 10.
1.
Is the neon we knew in the 80s, which has made its appearance yet again, here to stay? (if you didn't know that neon was back, don't fret, in my opinion, it's gone soon.)
2.
Can you wear white after Labor Day?
3.
Should I bake my 2-year-old another cake, take pictures of it, and someday tell him a made-up tale of how perfect his second birthday was? (Most likely not going to happen so don't waste time with this one.)
4.
My husband thinks beets always taste like dirt. Do they?
5.
Should Chuck-E-Cheese have a bar inside it? Or, is that making a potentially risky situation even riskier? (Let me go ahead and say why... because the gangstas there might not need to add booze to their mix. And, Chuck-E is all about the gangsta.)
6.
Am I the only person who thinks Michael Phelps looks part horse? Not. Kidding.
7.
Is there a better magazine than Garden & Gun? No way. Best magazine and best writers ever. (Best magazine photos go to US Weekly, simply because I can feed the gossip disease.)
8. Am I the only one who cries every, single, solitary time I hear "Wichita Lineman" (sung by the genius Glen Campbell), "The Way We Were" (the one-and-only Babs Streisand), "Angels Among Us" (Alabama), and "Time of Your Life" (Green Day)?
9. Why do people keep talking about Lindsey Lohan? I am bored already.
Drumroll, please ... (And these were in no particular order)
10. Can you get out of Target without spending $100? I've yet to accomplish it. Even if I only pop in for cereal. $100 minimum.
2 comments:
Your blog blues have made me laugh...
You are a wonderful lady, even though you called me aged like an old piece of luggage. So I want you to know that your writing is so important to me because it's like getting to talk to you and getting to hear your voice. Therefore, I'm taking a minute to answer these questions because I have to keep this conversation going with you.
1. Neon. Please hurry on out the door, neon. It looks terrible with my skin tone and is probably evoking repressed memories of middle school best left in my subconscious. Now if we were Left Eye and T-boz, then maybe we could embrace this. But not for my whiter shade of pale.
2. You can absolutely wear white after Labor Day. Though my usual white caveats stand: a. Never wear white shoes unless you're a nurse; b. Never wear white pants unless you are whisper thin and the pants are thick enough and/or loose enough to hide your underpants options; c. Once you spill something that stains down the front of your white shirt, it should be a work in the yard shirt, until it becomes a dust rag; d. Whites actually have to be the right color. Too much blue or too much yellow can make you look nauseated or jaundiced. White sheets essential. White sweaters, gorgeous. I've changed the Labor Day rule to the 5 consecutive days of 75 degree weather. Then I put away the lightweight clothes and the strappy sandals.
3. According to Maryanne, I fed my first birthday cake to my dog Beauregard. I realized yesterday that I consider Savage's "homemade." Hud won't care. You're creating family legends.
4. No more than a carrot tastes like dirt. Beets are delicious. Maybe Sgt. Flanders should wash them first.
5. Chuck-E should have a free pharmaceutical bar. Antacids, laxatives, diarrhea, and most importantly xanax, klonopin, valium.
6. Totally part horse. I'm kind of worried about his droopy face. Like those tight swim caps and goggles have pinched his nerves.
7. Garden and Gun requires a 10 day visit. I will work on the travel plans.
8. See if you can find Lily Tomlin as Ernestine the Operator singing Wichita Lineman. Fabulously funny. But when Glen sings it, I'm shattered. But I'm shattered at so many things.
9. Wasn't that the girl in the remake of Parenttrap? She was cute. What ever happened to her?
10. Nope. Never. Have you ever been in line to pay at Target and NOT had to get out at least once to go get JUST ONE MORE thing? I haven't.
LOVE YOU
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