Thursday, December 6, 2012

A Failure at Thanks ...

There's one thing I know for sure: I am no good at daily blog postings. Even if they involve such an important topic like thankfulness, I am an epic failure. With that said, here goes one final attempt at sharing my many blessings.

I am thankful ...

1. I do not work at Toys R Us, which I have decided is one step away from the flaming pits of hell.

2. That Halle Berry is not my girlfriend or partner or whatever the kids are calling it these days. She's beautiful, that's a given. Nearly perfect, in fact. But as crazy as a box of bats? Yep. You bet your bippy. She's nuts and I thank the good Lord not to be anywhere near that hot mess.

3. That my TV has a remote control.
4. For elastic waistband pants (clearly I need to lose the remote control, get up, and then said pants wouldn't be a blessing).
5. For Q-Tips. Not sure why, but they seem to just come in handy a lot.
6. For diapers.
7. For diapers. Nope, not an accident. I am just so thankful for disposable diapers. I can't imagine life without them. Well, I can imagine it, but then I get scared and start crying.
8. That I don't have to whittle my pencil when it needs sharpening and that I can turn on the air conditioning when it's 129 outside during the pleasant Texas summers.
9. For my beloved Willie Nelson. Yes, I called him that. No, he doesn't know I call him that and I don't care. He's my special friend.

10. Thanks to the fact that I am a tad bit vertically challenged, I am thankful for all shoes with wedges. At my height, any wedge counts. And the taller, the betta.
11. For sad songs like "The Way We Were" and "Think of Laura" so I can cry really hard when I am sad. There's nothing better than a sad song to make you sadder when you already feel sad. Trust me. And James Taylor. He knows.
12. And for happy songs like "The Humpty Dance" and "Footloose"and anything sung by the loverly Doris Day.

13. For this number. Because it's lucky. And super cool.
14. For angels. Because I believe in them.
15. That I am not a proctologist. Because it sounds like a really crappy job.
16. For every tulip ever grown. Especially the pink ones.

17. For mosquito spray and bug repellent and those big shoes to smash roaches.
18. For porch swings. I had to give mine up when we moved away from Birmingham. I best stop talking about it or I'll have to turn on the movie "Beaches" and start listening to James Taylor to escalate my sadness and despair.

19. With 2 dogs, I am thrilled to have a doggie door so midnight walks are non-existent.
20. The ability to read. That way I can help my daughter (she's learning), and I can also read the forms they make me sign when I am at the doctor's office.
21. For sunglasses. I would get super tired of always shading my eyes. Plus, everyone looks cooler in shades.
22. For every single drama Lindsey Lohan brings upon herself. That girl makes even my worst day seem like a barrel of sunshine. Sure, she annoys me to sickness, but, it's fun to watch a Hollywood starlet turn into a pile of vomit.

23. For indoor plumbing. Seeing that I listed diapers twice, I clearly have some issues here. Don't ask.
24. That my parents aren't hoarders. First, it would be really sad, and gross. Second, I'd probably be the one who had to clean up and organize the mess. Then, I'd end up on the tv show looking a wreck I'd get all mad and my nose would start running from crying and that would be my only brush with fame. No, thanks.
25. When my pharmacist remembers me. I am not sure why this means so much, but it does. I love walking into the store and hearing a "Hey, Mrs. Frazier." It makes me feel welcome and comfortable and I trust that. I had 10 years in Birmingham with the same pharmacist who knew the Fraziers well. It's not the same in the big city, but I am working on it.
26. For my two precious kids.
27. For my husband, and my mom and dad, and my grandparents. I won't get sappy on you because it's not my thing.  But if we're counting thanks, that's where it is.

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