Monday, December 31, 2012

What I Learned This Christmas ...

Christmas is a time to enjoy family and celebrate the birth of Jesus. From where I sit, a few days after the 25th, I realize it's a few things more than just that (not that that isn't enough). Folks, I have reflected and realized a lot this Christmas. Take note, my wisdom follows ...

1. Things bought at the dollar store often are not worth a dollar. Seriously, I think most items there are worth about $0.59. That's 59 cents, people. One dollar is too much. I have made a note to myself and it goes like this:
Dear Self,
You think you are saving money by shopping a the dollar store. You aren't. About an hour after Christmas, all the stocking stuffers bought at said discount store are now in the trash can. Thus, you didn't save a bit. You thew out about 11 bucks. Don't do it again.

2. The movie A Christmas Story plays for 24 hours on tv starting Christmas Eve and ending about 5 p.m. Christmas day. Some say this is overkill. In my family, it's not enough. Somehow, we weren't able to watch the movie even one time. Not once in 24 hours. So, we, meaning the Fraziers, need 48 hours of A Christmas Story.

3. On Christmas day, we start drinking mimosas and eating a crap load at about 7 a.m. By 11 a.m. I usually say, "I am not eating another thing. If I do, I'll vomit." I eat more and vomit none. Sad, but true.

4. The Barbies in our house are almost always naked. I mean, nada clothing. I always thought my daughter had some deep-rooted issues we might need to deal with, but, alas, I have figured it out... it is IMPOSSIBLE to get clothes on those dang dolls. Barbie clothes come slutty and tight, by nature. It took me an hour (literally) to get pants on Ken. I now understand why most Barbies are nekked. And, I am now fine with it, simply because getting something to cover them will cause you to have a nervous breakdown. Or you'll eat and drink a lot (see number 3).

5. My kids ate candy ALL day Christmas. In fact, I think that's all they ate. I told them the same thing I did on Halloween: "If you only eat candy, you'll throw up. You need fruit and vegetables and some water." I am wrong. A day of candy and nothing else and the kids were fine. Hyped up and a bit manic? Yep. But any puke? Nope. (Clearly I have an issue with vomit.)

6. A white Christmas really is the best. Christmas without snow is a bummer. (Thanks for the powder this year, Mother Nature!)

7. I FINALLY made something off Pinterest: homemade Christmas potpourri. It stinks. In future, I must go with my gut and look at Pinterest, but do not attempt. Again, look, but do NOT try and replicate. It ends up being a costly, frustrating, and disastrous mistake. Next time, go to the yuppie boutique and buy the expensive candle you want. Sure, you'll spend more than you want. But, it'll end up being less than if you tried to replicate the same scent in some Martha Stewart way. And, the store-bought version will smell a ton better. Remember: You are NOT Martha Stewart and you do not employ a staff.

8. All the cheesy stuff that's sold on the infomercials, well, that's money well spent. Dream lights. Those silly pillow pet stuffed animals that light up. Kids love them. Some ridiculous noise-making silly putty/Play-dough stuff. Kids love it. A microphone that wraps around the body? Money well spent. I see these commercials and think they are the cruelest things ever. They appeal to kids and stick parents right in the rump. It's like the grocery aisle. A bunch of junk that you are stuck buying. This year, I gave in and not one single cheesy item went unnoticed. The slippers that light up? Score. The pillow that is a nightlight? Score. Laugh all you want, but the midnight shopping thanks to HSN works. Plus, you get to catch up on all those C movie stars you've been wondering about (Hey there, Suzanne Somers!)

9. Any drippy movie on the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime seems horrible. I roll my eyes, my husband leaves the room. Then, 4 hours later we've gotten drawn into 2 flicks, back-to-back. Laugh all you want, but those cheesy channels put out some darn fine holiday entertainment. And, if you didn't catch you favorite C movie star on the HSN, you can probably see them on one of these movies. Added bonus.

10. And, lastly, cleaning up after Christmas sucks. I wish I had some insight on this, but it's quite simple. It's horrible and seems never ending. I worked hard for nearly a month to make that darn Elf look good (right, Sparky?), the least he could do it stick around and work his magic on the after-Christmas destruction. Selfish little sucker just heads back to the North Pole for some R & R (or he's probably on some beach in Tahiti) and Momma's left with a Hefty black trash bag and a broom. Happy and merry to all.


Beddy9 said...

Awesome. Naked barbies and light-up slippers = Christmas Miracle!!! Look what you did!!

Beddy9 said...

It's Anna G Olivier btw. Love you!

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