Monday, July 16, 2012

But, I've Got a Coupon

I am all about deals. About once a week, I buy a Groupon, Living Social or Plum District deal, or something from Zulily. I've always loved coupons, both grocery store and restaurants varieties. And, when The Gap or Anthropologie announces an extra 30% off sale, I'm on it. With that said, there are some things I just wouldn't, and I mean ever, use a discount service on.

Take, your eyesight, for example. What brings this on? Today's Groupon offer for eye surgery. I mean, really, do you want to trust the gift of sight on a deal offering a $1400 procedure down to $100? Sounds good, especially for this blind bat who dreams of getting Lasik surgery, but I'll pass.

Another one I'll pass on: a colonoscopy (catch that pun?). Really, I don't see me cashing in on any deal-of-the-day medical procedure. If the doctor needs new customers that badly, he probably isn't the one I want to trust. With my life. So, I'd say no to heart surgery, hysterectomy, vasectomy, cesarian section, gall bladder surgery, hip or knee replacement, brain surgery, chemotherapy, well, you see where I am going with this. And, under the "medical" category, that includes plastic surgery. Never, ever claim a deal on a facelift or boob job. I don't care how bad you want it or need it.

This has Groupon written all over it.

Oh, I've got more. I wouldn't buy a casket using a Groupon. Sure, it's just a box. But, it seems somewhat disrespectful. Or a funeral service. I can just imagine it: "For the low, low price of $99, regularly $9,000, you can get an all-inclusive funeral service, complete with streamers, carnations, and a take-home video." Wow.  Your loved one would be looking down from Heaven flipping you some kind of finger, and it wouldn't be a thumb's up.

Legal advice is another of the many things I'd skip getting a deal on. Lawyers charge a lot of money. Say you're getting divorced, it costs a small fortune to make this final. And rightly so. Other items under the headline "legal:" driver's license, passport, or a fishing or gun license. It's doesn't take a rocket scientist or college graduate (although I wouldn't cash in on a deal for a degree either) to figure this out.

I guess the bottom line is: If you think the deal is too good to be true, it is. Remember faithful and trusting bargain-seekers, you get what you pay for. And, a $79.99 boob job just ain't gonna be good.

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